Hello, Boys!

Gentleman, the Brass has, in their infinite wisdom, ordered me to put together and carry on this ridiculous advice column for all you sorry bastards fighting on the front lines against these Kraut scum! Now, I know a lot of you boys want to go home to your sweethearts and children, and I'll be damned if I don't too! However, we are here to ensure that they have their freedom from this Adolf Hitler fellow, and by God we are going to make sure that they stay free! Listen to what I tell you, and your sorry ass might even get home alive!